Discipline

By nature we are sinners. David said, "They go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies" (Psalms 58:3). He recognized the perversity of his own human nature. There is a psychology or, more aptly, a philosophy of permissiveness. "Let them do what they want to do. Don't restrain them. Let them freely express themselves." I think that Dr. Spock in this philosophy has done a great disservice to our nation. A child left to his natural bent is not innately good but is innately evil and sinful. The Scriptures say that "foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:15).

The word "discipline" (translated "nurture" in Ephesians 6:4) carries the connotation of discipline with punishment. It's a difficult task to train your children. It takes time. It's easier just to let them do things rather than to stop them. But the Scripture also says, "A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Proverbs 29:15).

It is vitally important in the discipline of our children that there always be a great consciousness in their hearts of our love for them, that they be secure in that love, and that, when they are disciplined, they never doubt that love.

Every child is a natural psychologist and when he's spanked often says, "Nobody loves me anymore! You hate me! You don't love me!" We hate to hear such accusations from our children. The Bible however says, "Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth." In Proverbs we are told that, "He that spares his rod, hates his son." We sometimes become slack or forebear punishment or discipline. In doing so we are harming and hurting the child; for, when he knows that he's done wrong, one of the best ways to be relieved of that guilt complex is to be punished. Many children have psychological problems today. They are carrying around with them guilt complexes which have never been relieved by their permissive parents.

When I was a child and disobeyed my father, he'd say, "All right, son. When you get home, go into your bedroom. I'll come and talk with you." I knew exactly what he meant. He did his talking with a strap. But I knew that I had done wrong. There'd be a wall between my dad and me all the way home. I couldn't talk to him. I was guilty. I was a culprit.

He'd come into the room and say, "Why did you do it, son?"

"I don't know, Dad. I just did it."

"Son, I told you not to do it. But you did it anyway. Why?"

"I don't know!" I really did know. I did it because I wanted to, but I didn't want to tell him that.

"All right, son. I'll have to spank you for that." Then I'd get it. I'd yell, for I found out that if I yelled I wouldn't get so many swats. I'd scream like I was dying. He'd leave the room feeling miserable, and I'd lie there for a while wishing I were dead. If I were dead then he'd be sorry for spanking me!

But after a while mother would call me for dinner. I'd bounce into the dining room. "Hi, Dad!" It was all right now. I wasn't guilty anymore! There was no wall between us now. I had been punished, therefore there was no more guilt. That was a past issue no longer hanging over my head.

There was nothing worse, though, than having done something wrong, yet not being caught for it. I would sit at the table but I couldn't look at my dad. He didn't know what I had done, but I was afraid that he might find out. The guilt could weigh so heavily on me that within two or three days I'd be completely miserable.

What a glorious relief when we finally face up to it and get it over with!